I read myself in your comment – we are SO alike! My engineer wants the BLUEPRINTS! I got so frustrated, and like you, wanted my therapist to get in there harder – I couldn’t understand how she was evaluating progress and she couldn’t explain it. I can see now that we were many times, but without her ability to communicate that to me, I felt lost.

I hope to see you around more – thank you for your kind words!

Emily

“It is who I am, and while I am willing to float
free in this “process” for many months, I
can’t flap in the breeze forever, just because
I am this unique “fingerprint.”’

Glad I’m not the only DID client that needs some structure, some sense of clear direction. Being a medical academic, I was constantly looking for a formula, some way of explaining the unexplainable (still am *grin). I felt like telling my first therapist, come on lady “bring it on” “I’m not your usual client” “Let’s step it up a notch” Not it a mean way. Part of me liked the acceptance, you mentioned that as well, but another part felt like I was being sold short. There was something more, something I wasn’t getting, despite 2 years of “holding out for more.” Thanks for sharing your expriences. I just found this blog and your candidness is amazing.

I have read some of your work, and am interested in reading your book when it comes out. I have thought to publish one as well on this topic, and to do it differently than the books that are currently out there. I know how hard it is to write, and it is wonderful that you are sharing something positive.

My best
Emily

I am so pleased that you have written and shared some of your thoughts about my posts. Everything you have shared in your comment I have now come to realize (in my core, rather than just intellectually) is really true. And it is calming to have that mirrored by those doing research in the area.

From your work, I can see that you are clearly more interested in the real-life aspects of DID than the pure research ends, but you did a great job integrating (ha ha) the two. I will contact you directly, but would love to have you as a guest writer on this blog.

My best,
Emily

Beth Fehlbaum, author
Courage in Patience, a story of hope for those who have endured abuse
http://courageinpatience.blogspot.com
http://www.kunati.com/courage-in-patience
Chapter 1 is online

I think you are making a very important point in your post. That is: every person’s recovery – no matter what their diagnosis – is a very unique journey. The recovery literature makes a very strong point of that. You will find a lot of info about that when you google mental health recovery. W.A. Anthony is a good person to read up on.

When we talk about stages (you mentioned Herman and me, but most writers use a stage framework) we are really talking more about a general direction. It organises thinking, helps therapists who are not so familiar with the subject to feel more confident; and clients who wonder whether they are going crazy can be reassured that they are certainly not.

The most important part in the therapy is the relationship between client and therapist. The relationship needs to provide safety and containment so that clients can start doing the all important tasks of healing themselves: trusting and liking themselves, trusting and letting in others, respecting and appreciating themselves and others. These are very generic terms and you have given some lovely examples of what they mean specifically for you.

I am thinking of the therapeutic relationship in terms of mutual recognition. That means that between therapist and client needs to be a sense of emotional support, care, respect, equality, and appreciation. I have written about it at length in my PhD thesis that deals with how services shape the recovery from sexual abuse. If you – or your readers – are interested, they can download it from the archives of the University of Technology, Auckland, by following the link: http://hdl.handle.net/10292/344.

Your relationship with your ‘old’ therapist must have been good enough for you to be able to make these amazing steps – although I have also seen that sometimes clients make progress in spite of their therapist. Anyhow, all the best for the continuation of your journey. You sound as if you are well on your way.

Cheers and all the best
Gudrun