Archive for Personal Musings
July 27, 2009 at 12:18 am · Filed under My Stories, Personal Musings, Understanding DID, healing and tagged: alters, DID, dissociative identity disorder, healing, integration, multiplicity, Personal Musings, recovery
My writing has become sporadic. My LIFE is more chaotic. But for (ultimately) a good reason – I’ve gotten a job.
So why do I feel more unstable than ever?
This post does have a point – a snapshot of growth through the hardest external challenges my husband and I have ever faced.
<Yeah yeah, more of that “what doesn’t kill you” crap.>
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April 4, 2009 at 12:59 am · Filed under Mental Health, Personal Musings, Therapy and Treatment, Uncategorized and tagged: healing, Personal Musings, recovery, revelations, therapy, Therapy and Treatment
When I do cardio at the gym, I listen to my iPod. Traditionally I’ve chosen fast-paced upbeat songs, but I’ve broadened my playlist to explore new motivations because like may of you, I’m facing significant challenges right now. Job search, the economy, my therapy, etc. Averaging it all together, I’m doing okay. My healing is amazing, and my therapist hammers me to be proud of myself. Smile.
So when I heard this lyric the other day, it made me feel a little more real. That I truly am learning pace and control.
But the race is not, for the swift
But who really can, take control of it †
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April 2, 2009 at 9:47 am · Filed under Personal Musings and tagged: integration, multiplicity, Personal Musings, quotes and thoughts
I searched for quotes on humor as intellectual perspective and found the following:
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
- Horace Walpole
To wit,
And for those who “those” include these among many, the world is both a whirling cacophony of enmeshing realities and the absence of connected existence.
- Camigwen
March 11, 2009 at 6:50 pm · Filed under Comments, Mental Health, My Stories, Personal Musings, Therapy and Treatment and tagged: diagnosis, DID, MPD, Personal Musings, recovery, revelations, Understanding DID
An amazing thing happened tonight!
The other day, Elysium3006 commented on a post I made last May called, Should I Tell My Spouse I Have DID? But today I told Elysium3006 that my response has changed – it all depends on timing and communication. Back then my response was a resounding NO! But today my response is different – my husband knows mostly everything and he is so accepting and a pillar of my support system. He read my response to Elysium3006, and even added a few lines of his own feelings.
He had good thoughts so I said, somewhat flippantly, “You should write a post about what it’s like to be a spouse of someone with DID and what it was like to go through the hard times . When you didn’t know what was happening with me, and I didn’t tell you even that I had started therapy. And how I eventually was able to share, and how we finally started talking so positively for both of us! And then finally stepping back from the very real specter of divorce.“
To my elated amazement, he said, “Ok – start dictating.” And I did.
I told him that his thoughts on when and how much to share with a significant other and family would be SO APPRECIATED by those of us who are afraid to talk, and for those who are support persons.
What an amazing husband I have! If you’ve followed my healing, you will realize the complete turnaround in our relationship. And you will hear how a man who never believed in therapy tells me to keep going as long as I need to. Stay tuned!
March 11, 2009 at 5:38 pm · Filed under Personal Musings and tagged: alters, dissociation, Personal Musings
Hi folks – a little update. Thank you all for checking in on me. Still job search which has become a full time job. And quite frankly, to effectively perform a job search requires some strong dissociation of emotions in the face of the econony and the repeated, “We really like you and feel you would be a significant contributor, but this position has been put on hold for changing business needs.”
“Changing business needs.”
<story of my fcking life right about now>
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January 18, 2009 at 11:33 pm · Filed under Personal Musings
Hello everyone
I wanted to wish everyone Happy New Year, and hope that everyone is doing well!
Thank you for your wishes and checking up on me. I have dropped off for a while. Not because of you. You know I have been looking for a job. There are also other things in my life that are taking over my time.
I did tell you I found a wonderful therapist, so things are going really well on that front, so no need to wonder if I am off jumping off a bridge. 
Overall, I am ok. Actually, doing well based on this economy in the US.
One thing that has helped me in my forced dissociation in all this, is that my therapist has made a good point. Inside, there is not great dissension. That by itself makes all of this a little easier. When we get through all of this, life should return to normal.
Best wishes to everyone,
Camigwen
December 29, 2008 at 7:25 pm · Filed under Goddess of Brilliance and Wonder, Personal Musings, Therapy and Treatment and tagged: Personal Musings, Psychology, revelations, therapy, Therapy and Treatment
It’s all “Part of the Process.”
I was completely unfamiliar with that phrase until therapist #1. After 6 months with her, I was thoroughly disgusted with the phrase. Perhaps because no one could define “The Process” in terms I could accept. This magical concept that I, a PhD trained engineer, was apparently completely ill-equipped to deal with.
<And friends and neighbors, let’s throw in the completely obligatory ” fck that” right about HERE.>
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December 19, 2008 at 2:33 pm · Filed under My Stories, Personal Musings and tagged: crappy economy, job search, Personal Musings
Thanks for all your best wishes on my job search. The economy is just really in the crapper. I have had several interviews – on the phone and on-site, but each one falls through for some reason – overqualified, the job has been canceled, the job has been postponed due to a change in business direction.
It can be (and often is) very depressing.
But, today I just received offers for two on-site interviews! Two different companies contacted me within about 2 hours of one another. Now I feel so happy and relieved. Relieved not like I am getting the job, but more a sense of validation of my own worth to the working world.
At the level I am looking (technical director), there aren’t too many jobs to begin with, and the economy just makes it worse.
Please please please don’t make me have to ask, “Want fries with that?”
December 6, 2008 at 11:34 pm · Filed under Mental Health, My Stories, Personal Musings, Therapy and Treatment and tagged: crappy economy, healing, job search, Psychology, self-worth, therapy, Therapy and Treatment
Hello everyone – I wanted to say I have been caught up in job stuff. I am looking for a job, I think I mentioned, and have been at it nearly constantly. I know I need to take breaks, but I have been excited about some of the progress and don’t want to lose steam. Since our economy sucks here in the United States, it is especially hard. But I have a few phone interviews coming up, and everyone says that is great.
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November 21, 2008 at 8:00 am · Filed under Art and Communication, Neat stuff, Personal Musings and tagged: humor
I found a neat little site called Indexed. The blogger captures truths of life on a single index card each morning. Hmmm. This one hits a little close to home, as I drink my coffee and read my daily “Here are Jobs fitting your profile” emails. This is today’s index card. Good stuff.
Older entries »
Teaser for an Upcoming Guest Post by My Husband!
March 11, 2009 at 6:50 pm · Filed under Comments, Mental Health, My Stories, Personal Musings, Therapy and Treatment and tagged: diagnosis, DID, MPD, Personal Musings, recovery, revelations, Understanding DID
An amazing thing happened tonight!
The other day, Elysium3006 commented on a post I made last May called, Should I Tell My Spouse I Have DID? But today I told Elysium3006 that my response has changed – it all depends on timing and communication. Back then my response was a resounding NO! But today my response is different – my husband knows mostly everything and he is so accepting and a pillar of my support system. He read my response to Elysium3006, and even added a few lines of his own feelings.
He had good thoughts so I said, somewhat flippantly, “You should write a post about what it’s like to be a spouse of someone with DID and what it was like to go through the hard times . When you didn’t know what was happening with me, and I didn’t tell you even that I had started therapy. And how I eventually was able to share, and how we finally started talking so positively for both of us! And then finally stepping back from the very real specter of divorce.“
To my elated amazement, he said, “Ok – start dictating.” And I did.
I told him that his thoughts on when and how much to share with a significant other and family would be SO APPRECIATED by those of us who are afraid to talk, and for those who are support persons.
What an amazing husband I have! If you’ve followed my healing, you will realize the complete turnaround in our relationship. And you will hear how a man who never believed in therapy tells me to keep going as long as I need to. Stay tuned!
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