When words are shape and color – language of another alter

When Emily started this blog, I was skeptical. You’ll never maintain it, I alleged. What are you going to say, anyway?

For hours she deliberated design layouts, colors, pictures.

Are you ever going to write something? I asked her. A blog is supposed to be words. You’re supposed to write stuff.

<Leave me alone.> With her back to me, she methodically reviewed picture after picture we had taken in the park. She wanted a design layout that allowed a custom header. The blog had to be hers. Personalized. Fjords, to Tarski, and back to Fjords again.

Something strongly appealed about the layout, cleanly divided into four parts; the continuous picture interrupted.

Like we are.

While the 4 column layout makes the blog entries a little cramped, everything else is perfect.

Her colors, and Alisa’s, highlight the page. Light green and light blue. Two quiet, headstrong girls. And Emily Lonely Girl’s barren winter forest eerily reflected in large pockets of standing water receding too slowly after a raging flood.

Kind of like the one within us.

The perfect picture, divided as we are, many trees separated but together.

I admitted to my therapist what she had done, created this blog. That I was both chagrined but reluctant to stop it once she insisted and then began ignoring me. I was a little embarrassed – is this the opposite of integration? Was it wrong to let it happen?

But I knew if I stopped it, inside I/she would be devastated, again silenced.

Emily saw the video about DID, my therapist said, and she watched the outlined child disappear, lose her voice. That triggered her – slammed into her that she had lost her voice as well. Seeing it lit the fire for her to reclaim her voice.

And you know, my therapist continued, from your drawings, your art, your finding her in the forest that her words have for so many years been color and drawing and completeness. Rightness.

Her hours spent choosing the design colors and borders and layout were her words as well. You can’t discount that.

This is her language.


1 Comment»

[…] Art. Visual impressions. Wide eyes and suffusing wonder at stimulating scenes. These resonate and are accepted by my gut. They are very common in here.  This blog got started with Emily started interacting more – but her words are often color and design as with this blog. […]

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