We’ll be back after a short break and a word from our sponsor

My husband and I with many of our friends are traveling afar for a two-week nature/eco-type vacation. It’s the first time I have looked forward to vacation in years. Why the heck has this been such a problem for me?

The Lamictal appears to be working, finally! I have been very happy with the weight off my shoulders for a few weeks, and have had my fingers crossed it will “stick.” The meds doc thinks we could be at the right maintenance dose, so we will see. He also confirmed that I should be seeing a therapist with more experience and we talked about my needs. That also made me feel a lot better about my decision. Everything just feels magically better. <Hell, maybe we switched – who the fck knows anymore.>

But how could anyone NOT look forward to vacation? Strange as it sounds, I viewed it as an obligation because I would get so stressed packing and getting things ready. It’s pretty gear intensive, so we have to carry a lot of poundage even though I carefully bring only the amount of shampoo we will use, the bare bones medical kit, the lightest shirts I own, etc. Even with that, the night before we are carefully balancing the lightest big suitcases I could find on one wheel on top of the bathroom scale, which has been relocated in the foyer for this very task. It is a struggle to get the bags under 50 pounds. One is 54, the other is 55, and the little one is 35 but packed full. Crap. And it’s like this every time.

This time we will be taking an extra bag, as our destination is colder than normal. Somehow I am sure we will still be cussing and swearing over the bathroom scale this vacation as well.

The days before I would be stressed, shopping, washing clothes, packing. Then the night before when everything has to come together, I am a mess. Stressed, short with my husband. It took me a while to figure out that he tended to come home from work late on those days, and finish packing after I was done.

Duh. And I just thought he was being inconsiderate. Turns out I was probably being an asshole. Sigh. Although he recently denied it, he was amused at my conclusion.

But even when I couldn’t look forward to it, AFTER we got to the final destination I was much better. The stress of the packing and traveling was gone, and I could enjoy the trip. I don’t think that is so unusual, though.

But it is SO interesting to me now that I am actually looking FORWARD to it before we even leave! I was so shocked by this that I had to explain it to the meds doc and my best friend – shocking!

I promise to get stuff done ahead of time (yes, I am doing that now!) and I promise to back off and leave the room if I feel the anger coming. I am sure a container of ice cream will do the trick…add it to the shopping list now. 🙂



  mom wrote @

You bring me joy that you have this feeling right now. I am grateful for right now. xoxo

  Tigerweave wrote @

Hope you have a wonderful time. *hugs*

  emilylonelygirl wrote @

Thank you both! I had a wonderful time. I was able to do some thinking (altho not much with all the fun I was having!) and the time away helped me see where I could be after all this is over. Likely my time away will result in some posts, if I can make them relevant to a larger audience.

Emily et al

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