Emily and Cami Share What you Suspected Anyway

Lately there have been interesting changes inside that have sparked endless private journal entries.  i think all of this has been on the edge of happening, in limbo.  Getting a new therapist who is very good has allowed progress to resume. I’ll just offer a part of that to clarify things for you.  Emily says, “Cami, I say you can tell them you have been writing most of this with me in the background.”

In a nutshell, Emily has decided that this blog is a good thing for us therapeutically, but it’s been driven more by me/Cami and at times, Kate.  Emily is not upset by this because it was her voice that allowed it to happen in the first place.  But there has been some recent discomfort that more and more the ideas are mine/Cami and not hers, and that this growing distinction should be corrected.  My strong girl – I am proud of her!

We had stated in the beginning that we didn’t want to distract by offering different authors, but now it seems time.  Not for you, dear readers, but for us internally.  You just have to deal with it 🙂

So, the main author on this blog as been me/Cami.  Nominally front for the last few years, but not since the beginning.  That’s another story.  Emily is the young child with wide eyes and not a lot of verbal exchange (but LOTS of art and writings).  And she would like to add, surely, with no baby-talk.

Kate, of course, is Kate.  *Rolls eyes.* She has already made herself known with much fanfare, and has totally gotten off on the accolades of her wit and sarcasm.  It is sometimes quite annoying/amusing, but she is who she is, and was an incredible front for many years when protection was quite needed.  <preens>

I have had oversight of this zoo but have not been in control of it.  (Unaware of it until recently, actually.) But, in the last few months with progress in therapy, change in work conditions, etc., there has been more cooperation on some fronts.  Which has allowed me to loosen the reigns a bit.  I think (hope!) this is the right decision.  I’m gonna go with it because it feels like progress.

Emily found something that interests her and I am heartened at her initiative. But she is generally still here.  On the side, Kate has gone off and started her own blog and expects me to co-author it.  I am somewhat less amused at that, and suspect it might fail.  I am not socializing that site.  Maybe will or not.  Depends on her attention span in maintaining it.  But she is still here and knows this blog is essentially her bread-and-butter and I will close down the other one if she decided to stop participating here. <sigh>

So, dear reader, what does this mean for you?  Nothing.  Things should go on as usual – don’t worry about it.  You have been seeing different signatures lately.  Continue to call me Emily (as she is the birth child after all and I am her to a degree), or Cami, or throw shit at Kate, whatever.  We certainly will not be offended either way, and certainly do not expect you to keep it all straight.

Best regards from the one you are all mostly familiar with anyway,

Cami

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6 Comments»

  davidrochester wrote @

Having done this recently myself, I am quite sure it’s a good thing … I think it indicates increased co-consciousness, which is, I believe, one of the essential pieces to moving toward better-integrated functioning. I think it’s also a good thing when the selves want to speak up, as that too is part of the therapeutic process.

Good for you!

  camigwen wrote @

…I agree…and I am STILL amazed that David/Ian and Cami/Kate, and then Emily/Cami did this at the same time!

Something in the water, full moon, whatever.

But increased co-consciousness is a big deal. I am just learning on my own, and recently discovered that co-consciousness must be more than just being aware of another self with you, or driving with you in the back. Or even if you are aware of another’s thoughts or motivations. I am learning that co-consciousness also means being able to have that conversation with another. That is a big realization to me lately.

Cami

  Batesie2012 wrote @

I had co-consciousness and the cooperation of which you are speaking. Unfortunately, that isn’t the case anymore. Redeveloping that is proving more challenging than I ever would have expected. I recently started a blog after reading this one and one other. I am currently struggling with the idea of sharing others names as they come up or keeping them within the system. I can’t decide if it feels empowering or frightening. I haven’t even had the courage to share my own yet, simply signing each entry as “Me.” I applaud your (plural) courage and am excited for your progress. Take care,

K… (Me)

  Jackie wrote @

Bravo, Emily/Cami/Kate. Co -consciousness is a big deal I think. I have found it exceptionally useful in reasoning things out, except when there is no rationale and my “Kate” alter shreds someone to bits. Much easier to get through triggers having a alters I think, but I have also found maintenance of the relationships is just as important to me. Failure to maintain my internal relationships has resulting in civil rioting. Additional and physical pain we all could have had the pleasure not to experience. It’s just plain exhausting.

Now I have some alters that would just rather hear nails on a chalk board for the 50 minute hour than be available to hear my T. So, they don’t come and we ultimately talk about it amongst ourselves anyway. My Union. 🙂

I too have an issue letting my T know when he’s triggered me or just pissed me off. I have to get better at that too. What’s the alternative? Shred him to bits? He’s bigger than me …. and oh, geshhhhhhh here we go…..

  Samantha wrote @

WoW!!
Co-consciousness “be all you can be!” We never knew how FAB it was till we lost it. When we didn’t have it and were just getting there it was kinda “so what.” Then after a decades of having it it’s went south BIG time. We’re back to speaking in a notebook, it totally sucks!! Now we all know what we’re missing that’s for sure. We’ve never integratedd, figuring that wasn’t for us, but playing on the same team was good. We could play a damn good game. Now we’re back to loosing time and not remembering, because of the age of the body most people kiss off our forgetfulness as age, it’s not.

Also the use of your own names, we us our own, or if it’s a joint effort we tend to us a handle like MV (morevoices) or MH (moreheads) which are email handles even used on lists. It works pretty well. On the home front we have universal nickname that everyone uses when they talk to us, we agreed years ago to all answer to it.

Anyway, that’s all to say, go you all!

Sam

  camigwen wrote @

K – It did take awhile to let other names come out in the beginning one was the best – don’t rush it. Just write as you feel comfortable –


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