Depression – The “Emotional Bending of Female Mind” and other Engrish-ified Knowledges

After finding that in addition to my psychosis, my accidental pissing off of god, and my reckless driverishness, my failings as a useful reference of medical information don’t stop there. Meandering around the Herbal Remedy site, I found a cornucopia of amazing information.

To more properly edify you on the horrible opine of health problems of insanely attitude, I have providing mostly here.

“Women are more depression prone than men. People opine the emotional bending of feminine mind is responsible for it, some other held adrenalin hormone.” [ref]

<What if you’ve also got a male alter? Is that like coffee protects against Alzheimer’s?>

Cervical cancer is a cancerous disease where malignant cells form in the cervix part of a woman. Cervix is the last part of uterus, is a kind of hollow, pear like organ where the fetus grows up.” [ref]

<How do they get the kid’s first bicycle in there?>

Hysterectomy: a surgical procedure implied on women in order to remove partially or totally removal of women reproductive system. … Hysterectomy itself is a major and difficult kind of surgery and it needs mastery over the situation that decides the best process or the best way by which the operation needs to be done.” [ref]

<Mastery of the English language, however, is not required.>

Diarrhea is the medical term for severe loose motion” [ref]

<Hmmm. Be careful opening overhead bins as contents may have shifted during flight.>

Back pain is not fatal in its effect but it makes a healthy life hellish on its occurrence. There is no particular cause … one fine morning one may feel back pain suddenly.” [ref]

<making the morning, perhaps, not-so-fine after all.>

Tonsillitis is the problem of tonsil.” [ref]

Home Remedy for Anorexia: This is a health disorder showing loss of appetite. All diseases that affect digestive immunity lead to anorexia as the side effect.” [ref]

<I am surprised he just doesn’t say, “Eat.” Oh shit, he does … “Treatment of anorexia may be done by appetizer.”>

Infertility means inability to conceive. In 40% cases, the male partner is infertile causing the problem in conception of a child birth.” [ref]

<Conception of the child in the FIRST place? Or initiation of the birth process itself? God, Engrish rocks!>

Five Easy Ways To Increase Your Manpower: Manpower is in reason with testosterone level as it controls the tenacity and sex drive of a man. But present research says that the role of testosterone is not over here. … So being conscious about testosterone is not only for a manly life but also for healthy and lively life is a requirement. Here find five effective but easy steps to keep the manpower in its right quotient.” [ref]

<Not having a lively life? You’re not a manly man until you can divide by zero!>

I guess I never thought of menopause quite this way:

“As puberty is the inevitable attainment of a healthy and physically able woman, menopause is the obvious termination point of the puberty…. Once upon a time, when women were mostly concentrating on their in-house life, used to consider menopause as the termination for their youthful gesture and activities.” [ref]

<Remind anyone of the “Good Wife’s Guide” … an interesting little piece of trash the wonderful males in my life send me occasionally with the highlighted last line … “a good wife always knows her place.”? Assholes.>

Erectile malfunction in a male creates frustration; but besides the reason for agony, it demands attention because it may be a symptom of Parkinson’s diseases.” [ref]

<Those guys looking randy on the Viagra commercials don’t seem to be in agony…oh wait, they took the Little Blue Pill. But since that’s not herbal….>

While dandruff are little tiny things, this monstrous paragraph must be quoted in its massive entirety to fully appreciate the dastardly effects of the horrid condition if it allows to escape and run wild.

Dandruff seems to be like dry skins in the form of dead follicles coming out of the scalp and in the form of small particles visible in the hair. These particles look shiny and silvery and cause infection in the scalp that demands major concern because dandruff harms hair health as well as it looks awkward as it falls on clothes or seems to be like crusts or like lumps on the scalp. Dandruff creates itchiness and due to abnormal itchiness scalp gets red due to scratching and infection spreads all over the head.” [ref]

<Erectile dysfunction (oh, I mean “malfunction”) gets a couple sentences…bad bad DANDRUFF on the other hand…>

Dark underarm is neither painful nor an ailment still people specially ladies take serious concern about this skin pigmentation. In fact it looks somehow awkward. The glamor of a sleeveless dress gets perished due to dull looking underarm.” [ref]

<My wit fails me on this one.>

Hangover – not only a physical malady, but an emotional one as well…

Hangover is a post -boozing condition where a person feels headache, a upset stomach, a bad taste in mouth, and feeling of guilt follows the upsetting health conditions.” [ref]

Common cold is a minor problem but the attack of cold can massacre daily routine of the affected person easily. The main problem associated with this virus attack is extreme uneasiness that results in optimum irritation.” [ref]

<There’s just no topping that one. I wilt in submission.>

[Heavily quoted “factoids” selected somewhat randomly from So Herbal Remedies.]

– ∞ –

See also:

Table of Contents for all blog posts
Those with DID steal money and drive recklessly
Flame-Quenching “Move Along” Standard Disclaimer
Guest Book and Introductions

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11 Comments»

  sandysays1 wrote @

Some funny stuff. Enjoyed. Point of clarification – small bicycles made by minature elves are available under the Tom Thumb Cycle Co. Visit my blog at, http://www.SandySays1.wordpress.com

  Emily’s Camigwen wrote @

I asked not where to find said bicycles, but how to get them IN there. πŸ˜‰

  castorgirl wrote @

Ok… this isn’t just leaving the door open for a sarcastic comeback… it’s like owning a palace and opening every single window and door wide open, then hanging a big neon sign above them saying “sarcasm come on in”…

Ohhh the joys and the danger of the Internet!

  Emily and Kate wrote @

Castorgirl

Laughing my ass off!!!!

Thank you – I just scared the cat with my laughter.

Bring it on girl!!!!

  Jackie wrote @

OK I’ll play.

Pain in my ass (PIMA) commonly distinguished by distraction to serenity, well being and happiness for example: work, T, math, bills, any form of reality.
Thought to be lifelong condition with limited interruption for the annual exception of holiday.
Note: Reported occurences of PIMA have occured, with or without the use of the Travelocity Gnome. Non use of said Gnome is doccumented to increase PIMA to maximum levels and have resulted in unfair incarceration in foreign confinement systems, not in practice with the Geneva Convention stipulations, whereby withholding of hallucinogenic substances, and interruption of aforementioned holiday.
Positive diagnostic outcome grim. Suggest consulting Ouigi board for additional therapeutic suggestions.

πŸ™‚ May I have another glass of mushrooms please?

(mental temperature -45F)

  David wrote @

That was hilarious … although I must say, there’s some poetic justice in that last paragraph; my daily routine has been massacred for no less than five weeks by a cold that has reached some hitherto-unknown summit of optimum irritation. I believe it is safe to say that, among other things, my manpower is out of its right quotient.

  Emily’s Camigwen wrote @

Jackie – offer not available in some areas. Excellent contribution – thanks for playing!

David – yeah, I had some cold for 4 weeks. Antibiotics (surprisingly) fixed it and I am getting better. I hope your manpower proceeds no longer fractional.

Anyone else?!?

  Jackie wrote @

Travel at your own risk (TAYOR). Offer expires 12/31/2008 12:01a.m. EST void where prohibited…oh ok, only if your caught!

(Speaking of catching…David, where did you get that horrible illness? 5 Weeks? sheeesh now that is a PIMA for you. )

And on the driving issue. Torques me to no end. Pun intended. I for one, ok there are several of us that agree here, that’s if PIMA is happening from any interrupted enjoyable vaporizing state, then speeding is acceptable. With the agreed upon stipulation, that the top is down on my car, it’s at least 75 degrees, sun is shining and I have a really good CD in the player. No speeding, careless, reckless, under the influence ticket should be allowed to be given within 24 hours of any T session. Once again, thank you for playing can we outrun law enforcement while drinking mushroom juice in a open container. Refill please, and a little more ice if you don’t mind. Mushroom are 2 for 1, on sale today at your local cattle field here in sunny Florida!

  Emily’s Camigwen wrote @

Evil Cat Syndrome: For wishing most hallucinogenic making scent tail optimally catnip not ideally available 24 hours at local shopping plaza place additionally cat paws opposable thumb-delinquent driving ragefully not possible. Therefore, winding around ankles purrpurr human manipulate purrpurr make catnip for long nighttime couch scratching.

  asrai wrote @

Too funny. Lordisa.

Cervical cancer can be caused by (amoung other things) indulging in abortion many times.
Jeez, I like to indulge in abortion on the occasional weekend.

Why all these descriptions and no herbal remedies for most of them?

  Emily’s Camigwen wrote @

Yeah, few have herbal remedies, but not the biggies. I was looking for something that advised those with DID to eat lots of ice cream, and indulge in a good stiff drink a few times a day πŸ˜‰


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