Archive for March, 2010

Putting Your Doubts on the Other Side of the Street

For reasons not relevant to this blog, I joined an online Alanon group.  Alanon is for friends and family of those dealing with alcohol issues.  I learned that Alanon is not about the individual with the alcohol problem, but it’s about *you.*  How you deal with your life, your reactions, your healing.  Learning how you’ve changed (often for the negative) from your attempts to “deal with” or “change” the other person.

I’ve learned many things I can apply to my life – things that have *nothing* to do with alcohol.  I had no idea it was such a widely-applicable program.

Joy wrote a comment on the Baby Talkers post that got me thinking about something I learned in Alanon.  She wrote:

I have been struggling with this for awhile now, especially regarding you tube. They sound sincere, but who is going to actively flaunt this, especially their littles on public video forums? Maybe I’m wrong, but then again, half the time I doubt my own diagnosis.

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Alive

Yes, I am alive.  A sincere thank you for all who have written me asking how I am.

I have thought many times about what I would post here, after so long.  A summary of the absolute hell that was the year of 2009.

But each of you has had your own day, month, year, or perhaps decade of hell.  **shrugs** what the hell do you need to hear my pain for?

My therapist asked if I posted here anymore.  I said I hadn’t.  After many sessions of me telling her I couldn’t talk to anyone. That I couldn’t really trust anyone.  That I felt everyone I’d confided in had somehow betrayed me.  (pause).  In all cases but one, any feeling of betrayal was my interpretation and not their intent.

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